winter days....

It's been awhile since I blogged! This living with the parents thing with no high speed is not easy to keep up the blog. So today I am spending the afternoon at starbucks to catch up online and some other stuff.
I am feeling like something big is maybe about to happen?! I have applied for a couple of jobs that I would really like and think would be great, but am waiting to hear from them. Not sure that this is the "something big" that is about to happen, but just maybe? ;) Anyway, today I was at church and it was a great message, the presence of the Spirit was completely there, in worship, a great little "drama", the message, and communion! Jason Miller talked about being the masterpiece of God, and truely believing that we are beautiful and are loved for who He created us to be. Sometimes we are standing just on the edge of all that God has, afraid to step in and walk fully in it, walking on the edge as if we have it all together and not letting God fully in or others fully in. He spoke from Acts 3 about the crippled man at the gate called beautiful, when Peter and John prayed for him and he was healed he went immediately into the temple praising God. He didn't run home to show his family, or to the market place to show all the people, he entered in to God's temple. I like to think I have done a pretty good job of surrenduring control to God and not letting my fingers try and manipulate things, but I think I only do that verbally and portray that I am not stressed about it, which is true, but when I am in the quiet of my own mind talking with God, I get really impatient and think about all the things I could do to "make things happen". There has never been a time where "I" made something happen that it was beautiful, only the times where GOD has made them happen have been truely beautiful. It was a great revelation this morning! (oh maybe I should say this afternoon since I go to late service at 11:30:) Anyway, I do think the pressures of society get to us and we have to be doing something "creditable". I think the pressure is really on for people like me that are single and have maybe what seems to be fewer responsibilites because I have no kids or husband I should do something AMAZING with all my time. Well I think we should all be doing amazing things to expand the kingdom. I think some of my "not enough" mentality comes from hearing (from all kinds of people, and all kinds of situations)  "a women's responsiblity is to her husband and her children, that is where she is advancing the kingdom and doing God's work", so if I don't have a husband or children then I have nothing to offer, or I should be doing something HUGE! But today's revelation reminds me this is not true. I need to step over the edge completely into God and His beauty and to just simply live in His unconditional love for me and as the masterpiece He created me as. Eph 2:10 He will make something Beautiful out of this life!